Poetry Analysis - NF Mansion (2023)

Insidious is a blind start
What is the reality with all these questions?
Seems like I missed my alarm and fell asleep (slept)
Broken legs but I'm chasing perfection
These walls are my empty expression
My spirit is a house I'm trapped in
And it's lonely in this mansion

Yo, my mind is a house with walls covered in texts, they're everywhere
There are mirror songs written all over the floor, all over the chairs
And you get the uncut version of life when I come down
This is where I write when I'm in a bad place and I need to let go
And print the version of the NF you don't want to see
I punch holes in the walls with both fists until they bleed
Maybe you can get a glimpse of how I deal with all this anger inside
Physically abused, this is the space I don't want to be in right now
The image is not blurry, I just don't want to see it
And these walls aren't empty, I just don't think I want to see them
But why not? I'm here so I might as well read them
I have you to thank for this anger I carry with me
I wish I could take a match and burn this whole room down
In fact, I think I'm going to burn this room down now.
Then for some reason that memory just won't come down
You always cornered me so you could see the fear in my eyes
Then they took me down and beat me until I screamed and cried.
Congratulations, you will always have a space in my thoughts.
But I keep the door closed and I lock the lyrics

Insidious is a blind start
What is the reality with all these questions?
Seems like I missed my alarm and fell asleep (slept)
and rested
Broken legs but I'm chasing perfection
These walls are my empty expression
My spirit is a house I'm trapped in
And it's lonely in this mansion
in this mansion

Yo, my mind is a house with walls covered in pain
You see, my problem is that I don't fix things, I'm just trying to repaint them.
Cover them up like it never happened
Say I wish I could change, are you confused?
Climb up and I'll show you what I mean
This room is full of regrets, it seems to be getting fuller
The moment I walk in is the moment I want to leave
I get sick every time I look at these things
But it's hard to stop when this is the room I sleep in
I look around, one of the worst things I've written on these walls
It was at that moment that I realized that I was going to lose my mother.
And one of the first things I wrote was that I wish I had called
But I should stop now, we don't have enough space in this song
And I regret the fact that I had trouble figuring out who I am
And I lie to myself and say I'm doing my best
Shrug it off like it's nothing, like it's out of my hands
So I get angry when I see it affecting my plans
And I'm sorry these trust issues are eating me alive
And at the rate I'm going, they'll probably still be there when I die.
Congratulations, you will always have a space in my thoughts.
The question is, will I ever clean the walls in time?

Insidious is a blind start
What is the reality with all these questions?
Seems like I missed my alarm and fell asleep (slept)
and rested
Broken legs but I'm chasing perfection
These walls are my empty expression
My spirit is a house I'm trapped in
And it's lonely in this mansion
in this mansion

No one has been in this part of my house for years
I built the safe room and I won't let anyone in
Because if I do, chances are they'll leave and not come back
And I admit I'm emotionally scared to let anyone in
So I just keep my doors locked
Other doors may open, but not this door.
Because I don't want you to have the opportunity to hurt me
And I'll be the one to blame if you leave me
I'm barricaded inside so stop watching
I can't get to the door, so stop knocking, stop knocking
I'm stuck here, God keeps saying I'm not stuck
I made my choice, I'm lost in my own conscience
I know closing the wall won't solve the problem
But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve them
I built it because I thought it would be safer there
But that's not it, I'm not the only thing that lives here
Fear entered my house years ago, I let it in
Maybe that's the problem because I've been dealing with it ever since.
I thought he was going but it's obvious he never was
He must have picked the room and settled down and settled down
Now I'm in a position to sit here and let him win
Or take it back out where it came from, but I can never do that
For that I would have to open the doors
Is it me talking or fear?
I do not know more

Lonely (lonely) is lonely
Oh yes, it's lonely
in this mansion